


With My Last Breath

by Destielshipper666



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Again, Graphic Description, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Irony, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Major Character Injury, PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sad, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trauma, Two Shot, but it's stabbed, car, car crash, sad fic, truck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:03:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destielshipper666/pseuds/Destielshipper666
Summary: The truck came out of nowhere. Really, must have run about six red lights to get to Tony’s car like it did. But it doesn’t really matter because, in the end, it hit Tony’s car.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a haiku I wrote when I felt tired and inspired, and a post I saw on Instagram. Basically, the post said this:
> 
> Person B knowing he’s probably going to die within the next few minutes. Instead of calling for help right away, he calls Person A and carries a casual conversation as if nothing is wrong, making sure to mention how much he loves him. He says he can’t wait to see him again.
> 
> And then I wrote the haiku, after reading it is traditionally all read in one breath. And so, this little gem of a fic was born. It will be one or two chapters, I don't know yet. Probably two. 
> 
> I hope you love it as much as I do.

**With My Last Breath**

  
  


_ From the day we met _

_ I knew to always love you _

_ Until my last breath. _

* * *

 

“JARVIS!” Tony called out, groaning as he rolled out of bed. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even worse than he already had. He wished he was still asleep, being awake was so difficult, especially when all he had planned for the day was a stupid meeting. He’d rather stay in bed all day and cuddle with Steve Rogers, who would only  _ just  _ be getting home later that day. He had missed his boyfriend who had been on a mission for the past few weeks. 

 

“Yes, sir?” JARVIS questioned. “Do you need assistance? I see you have fallen on the floor, and you do not appear to be getting up.”

 

“Ha fucking ha,” Tony deadpans. “I was going to ask you to call a car for me to be here in one hour. I have some dumb meeting or something later, and I can’t be late or Pepper will actually kill me.” 

 

“Of course, Mister Stark.”

 

“Thanks. And maybe order some roses and deliver them to Steve’s room?”

 

“Of course, Mister Stark,” JARVIS said again, but he sounded a bit more pleased this time. “Would you also like me to play that song you like over the speakers?” 

 

Tony smirked. “Of course, J, always.”

 

Tony got ready quickly, not seeing a reason to go all out for some stupid business meeting where they were just going to yell at him for not advertising Stark Tech at his latest Avengers Interview. Or any Avengers Interview ever. He preferred to keep the two separate. 

 

Anyway, he went to the meeting and it went smoothly. (He had wireless ear buds in the whole time.) It was pretty boring, but hey, it came with the job. He pulled out his phone and took a snapchat of himself looking bored and sent it to the Avengers group chat. 

 

It was a ride like any other. Until he got about six blocks away from the tower.

 

The truck came out of nowhere. Really, must have run about six red lights to get to Tony’s car like it did. But it doesn’t really matter, because in the end, it hit Tony’s car. 

 

**One Month Earlier**

 

**(Contains implied sex)**

“Steve, do you really  _ have  _ to go tomorrow?” Tony whined, clinging onto Steve’s arm while they were sitting on the couch watching a movie. It was late at night, and they were saying good bye. 

 

“Yes, Tony. Don’t worry though, I’ll be safe,” Steve leaned down and gave Tony a chaste kiss. “It’s really me who should be worried. How will you survive without me here to protect you?”

 

“Oh come on captain, I got along just fine before you,” Tony said. “I’m sure I can survive a few weeks without you.”

 

“Oh sure,” Steve chuckled, leaning in. “The day we met, you flew your suit into the helicarriers blades.” 

 

“Saving your ass, and everyone else’s, if I remember,” Tony smirked, before meeting their lips. Steve groaned and pulled away. 

 

“Come on Tony,” he said. “We should talk, it’s our last night together for a bit.” But when Tony smirked, he immediately gave up. He didn’t say so, of course. “Tony,” he said, placing his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders, “you know I want to, but-”

 

“But what?” Tony asked innocently, climbing onto Steve’s lap. He leaned down and started the kiss again, but this time Steve participated. He put his hands on Tony’s hips and took charge of the kiss. Tony pushed Steve against the arm of the couch until they were both groaning. “Wanna take this to the bedroom?” Tony asked, pulling away and breathing hard.

 

“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling mischievously. Then he picked Tony up.

 

“Aw, you strong, sexy soldier you,” Tony uttered, leaning his forehead on Steve’s. He wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist and immediately made out with him again. 

 

“Come on Tony,” Steve practically moaned, “let’s just wait.”

 

“Fine,” Tony sighed. 

 

And then they were in their room, and the night was perfect.

 

**Present Day**

 

The first thing Tony was able to fully grasp from the situation was the pain. His entire body was in so much pain. And then he opened his eyes, and everything was so much worse.

 

Tony had no idea which way the car was facing. He felt around for his phone and found it next to him. Well, shit. He was upside down. He remembered reading an article once about what he should do, but he couldn’t really get his mind to focus on it. So instead, he guessed. 

 

From what little he could remember reading, he decided to start by checking for injuries. Even though moving at all hurt like hell, he looked up to his torso and couldn’t choke back the scream that ripped through him. There was a giant piece of glass sticking out of his chest. There were smaller pieces stabbing from his hands, and his entire left arm felt… wrong was the only way to describe it. I mean, holy shit. He just got the reactor out, and now he had a huge glass shard stuck in his heart. And of course, he needed both arms to do anything. “Fuck,” he sobbed. It hurt. A lot. Everything seemed really hard to focus on, so he decided to speak aloud, because it’s not like anyone could hear him. 

 

Actually, Happy was driving. What happened to Happy? Well, he might as well check. “Happy?” he groaned. No answer. “Happy?”

 

“Sir?” a glitchy british voice came from the phone. “Are you okay?”

 

“JARVIS, holy hell, no. I’m so far from okay. There’s a very large piece of glass sticking out of my chest, and I have no idea where Happy is.”

 

“Contacting SHIELD now,” JARVIS said. “I’m going to need you to speak to them, my systems are damaged and I can’t pinpoint your location exactly.”

 

Tony thought about it. “Give me a minute J, please,” he said. And slowly, he began to detach himself from the seat. He placed his right arm on the roof beneath him, and then slowly pulled off his seatbelt. Getting down was difficult, especially with only one functioning arm, and the glass kept jolting. Suddenly, Tony realized he might not make it. His lungs felt light and shaky. There wasn’t only one piece in his chest, just only one really bad one. The windshield had shattered back, and both back windows exploded onto him. He definitely had a concussion, but not one too bad. His entire body felt like it had been introduced to a cheese grater.

 

He climbed through a shattered window. There were no police on scene yet, midday traffic was too heavy, and he wasn’t in the city. He was right outside it. It was weird, being in a wreck without the usual crowd of civilians and police and ambulances and trucks. Tony appreciated it, as he wasn’t sure his head could take the noise right now. The truck was smoking across the way, Tony wasn’t gonna worry about it. He was in a lot of pain. Lying on the grass and dirt, he hurt. There was blood everywhere. 

 

“JARVIS,” Tony mumbled, “is Steve home yet?”

 

“Yes, sir. Would you like me to connect you two via video call?” 

 

“No!” Tony said quickly. “Um, set up a one way video call, so I can see them but they can’t see me. I want all the Avengers there, so call them all into the communal living room before we connect. Do not, under any circumstances tell them what’s happened. Please.”

 

“Of course sir.” If possible, JARVIS sounded absolutely depressed.

 

“Hey Tony! We can’t see you, what’s up?” Clint. Oh god. He looked great. Tony wanted to cry. Fuck.

 

He forced his voice to steady. It was a bit strained, but it probably just sounded tired. In reality though, he felt a little bit like… well, like he had been stabbed in the chest. Also, he actually was tired. “Yeah, sorry. I dropped my phone, and then the camera broke. “I wanted to call you because-” he froze, trying to come up with an answer- “I got really bored after the meeting, and I need you guys to cheer me up from my boredom induced sadness.” 

 

“We can do that, I suppose,” Natasha said, a small smile on her face. She’s opened up more lately. Tony hopes she doesn’t close back off if he dies. That would really suck. She may not though. Maybe she’d grieve like a normal person. 

 

“I’m assuming you want to talk to your boyfriend?” Bruce asked, smirking as he walked into view of the screen. He and Bruce were still the best science bros in the world. They’ve blown up at least six workshops together, and neither of them regretted a moment of it.

 

“I do, actually. How could you tell?”

 

“He just could. Would you like me to go get him? Last I saw, he was training in the gym with Thor,” Wanda offered. She was also a bit kinder to him now. It took time, but hey, he wasn’t complaining. They liked to watch the Office together, as Wanda found them all to be hilarious, and even though Tony didn’t  _ love  _ the show, he loved seeing her happy, and she enjoyed the company, both for someone to explain the jokes, and to make jokes of their own. It was nice. 

 

“Please go get him for me, I’ve missed him, and Thor,” Tony smiled, even though none of them could see it. 

 

“Could you please keep it PG 13 this time please, I don’t need to hear you guys talk about handcuffs and shit in front of me. God, I’m still disturbed after last time,” Clint whined, but his tone was light, he meant it good naturedly. 

 

“No promises, bird brain. Is Rhodey there? He said he would drop by the other day,” Tony said. God, this hurt. But he wanted one more normal conversation with everyone. He really, really wanted to just experience these people one more time.

 

“I’m here, you idiot. When are you getting here? I’m getting bored of your lame super friends, and I want to go hang.” Rhodey. Oh God. Tony almost started sobbing, but the shaking of his chest shifted the glass, and really, how did such a big thing get into his chest? He willed his body to still.

 

“I’ll be there soon,” he says, forcing cheer into his voice. The normalcy of this talk was so  _ perfect.  _ He’s had phone calls just like these before. 

 

“I’m here!” Steve says, smiling at the screen they’re all talking to that only shows black for them. Because to them, just hearing my voice is reason to all sit together. That hurts, but in the best way. Anyway, Steve looked beautiful, with his bright smile. But he looked disheveled in a way the media never saw so it was like a private moment between friends. 

 

“Hey honey,” Tony said teasingly. They usually used cheesy nicknames as jokes. “Can Steve and I have a moment alone, please?” 

 

There was a chorus of “oohs” from the people assembled in the room, but they left. “Hey Tony!” Steve smiled brightly at the screen, just happy and bright and normal.

 

Tony didn’t want to die. He really didn’t. But he was starting to feel tired, and cold. The world seemed dimmer and quieter than before. “Hey Steve. I missed you so so much,” he says. He’s barely holding back tears, and he can tell that now it’s showing in his voice. 

 

“Is something wrong? Tony?” Steve looks worried, his face is doing that cute scrunchy thing Tony loves so much.

 

“Everything’s fine,” Tony lies smoothly. “I just- I’m just so happy to see you.” 

 

“I’m happy to hear your voice. I’ll see you soon, right? I just want to cuddle and talk for a bit, you know?”

 

“Me too, Steve. I’ll get there soon, I’m sure. I’m just outside the city now. I love you. You know that, right? I love you so, so much.” Oh god, he was crying. He didn’t want to. He wanted to talk about baseball, and that one song they both loved so much, and google what the hell a pumpkin is. 

 

“Tony? What’s wrong. Don’t lie. Where are you?”

 

“I love you,” Tony says again. It’s hard to hold the phone. He’s so cold, but he can feel the warmth of his blood still.

 

“I love you too.” Steve says. He sounds worried. Then suddenly, sirens are coming near Tony. “What happened?”

 

“I missed you so much. I love you. I love you.” Paramedics are running toward Tony now, talking quickly. 

 

“Tony, turn your camera on. Turn on your camera, love. Please? For me?”

 

Tony nods, even though Steve doesn’t see it. He turns it on. You can see his face from where he’s holding it up. There’s a big cut, his entire face is swollen and bloody. 

 

“There was an accident,” a paramedic says. 

 

“Tony!” Steve sobs. He’s  _ sobbing.  _ For Tony. That hurts. Someone grabs the glass, tries to shift it.

 

Tony screams so loud that several of the people around flinch. “I’ll see you soon,” is the last thing Tony manages to say before his hand goes limp, and talking is too hard, because he’s in so much pain. He’s vaguely aware he’s been lifted onto a stretcher, and they’re telling him to stay awake. But he can’t.

 

“I love you,” Tony whispers, even though Steve is no longer on the phone, before everything goes black.

  
  


**To Be Continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever! 
> 
> I'm sorry, it would have been posted earlier, but I got really sick and couldn't get on my computer.

“HimynameisSteveRogersandmyboyfrienfishere-” Steve was rambling, not taking a breath between his words due to his rush to get them out. 

 

“Sir, please calm down. We can’t help you if we can’t understand you,” a nice woman at the front desk said, smiling. But it didn’t reach her eyes, and she was obviously very tired. 

 

“I am Steve Rogers. My boyfriend was in an accident, and he was brought here. Can I see him? His name is Tony Stark. I’m his emergency contact.”

 

The nurse tapped on her keyboard before looking up at Steve sadly. “I’m sorry,” she said, “he’s still in surgery right now. But, you’re welcome to use the waiting room, and we’ll notify you once anything changes.” Steve sighed and slumped down in one of the most uncomfortable chairs he’s ever sat in. The other Avengers (plus Rhodey and Pepper) said they’d be there once Steve had a chance to get there first and adjust. Plus, Pepper was grieving quite a bit. She had been going out with Happy for a few months. Sadly, he left the scene in a body bag. He died on impact. Nobody was excited to tell Tony this, though. 

 

So Steve waited and waited and waited. It was pure torture, not knowing what would happen to his boyfriend. But then maybe hours later, somebody walked in. “His surgery is finished, but he isn’t awake yet. We want you to be there when we tell him about all of his injuries and conditions, though, because it may be a bit overwhelming.” Steve just nodded with tears in his eyes before leaning forward and crying softly. This wasn’t right. Tony was supposed to get to the tower, where he and the team would all hang out and catch up with Steve for a bit, before Tony would go out with Rhodey for a few hours. When Tony’d get home, he and Steve would be alone for the first time in a month, and they would be happy, and laugh about how they had both been so worried, because of course nothing would happen. Steve was Captain America. And Tony, Tony was larger than life. There was no way something as mundane as a  _ car accident  _ could kill him, or hurt him in any way. Nothing was supposed to reach Tony that way, because that was too normal, and Tony was anything but. 

 

But the universe had other plans for the engineer, and now he was in a hospital, getting back from surgery again.  _ Again.  _ He hadn’t had anything like this happen in so long, Steve almost forgot the feeling. You know, the one where suddenly, your entire world is turned upside down, and it feels like the air has been torn forcefully from your lungs in such a cruel way that it feels like you’ll never breathe right again. Where suddenly your entire future spans in front of you and you see years upon years where somehow, this special ray of sun that can melt sadness and catastrophe and pain from your life so quickly you barely even notice it, isn’t there anymore. It’s painful and hard, and you just want them back so much that it’s almost like a physical pulling on your heart. 

 

But Tony wasn’t dead yet. That’s all that mattered. Tony was alive and relatively stable in a room only a few doors down from where he was sitting. At least, breathing in this building. 

 




 

It was almost suffocating, waiting alone in the harsh artificial lighting among the soft pastels of the waiting room, with only your thoughts to keep you company. So when a nurse finally walked in, looking at Steve, he felt his heart leap. She would determine whether today be a miracle or a disaster with only a few words. “He’s awake,” she said. “The doctor has requested you be there while he explains the extent of the damage done to your boyfriend, and Mister Stark has agreed that you should be there.”

 

Steve shakily stands up without a word and follows her down the corridor past doors marked by numbers that meant nothing to Steve. The only thing that mattered was Tony, right now. When the nurse finally stopped at a door, Steve had to fight back a feeling of shock. He didn’t know why, but it was weird knowing Tony was through this unbecoming door. He imagined something sad, something that spoke of pain and fear, but all he got was a plain white wooden door. He didn’t know why this shocked him, it was the same as every other door in the building, but it did shock him. A lot. But, he walked in anyway. And what he saw made him want to start sobbing all over again. 

 

Tony was surrounded by machines that Steve didn’t recognize, and didn’t want to. All he really saw, anyway, was that they were all connected to Tony. There was a tube going up his nose, and several others into his arms. He had a heart detector thing or whatever on his finger, and several other gadgets beeping that Steve didn’t bother to notice. Tony’s arm was suspended above his head, surrounded and poked and attached to a lot of scary looking doo-dads Steve didn’t want to think about. But Tony could talk, and that was something, right?

 

“Hey love,” Steve said softly, a small smile on his face despite the tears silently tracking down his face. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Like my car was hit by a truck,” Tony says, a smile on his own face. But it looked so pained and broken hearted. “Anyway, now that you’re here, the doc can finally tell me what the hell is wrong with me. Based on how I feel, how I look, and the look on the doctor’s face, there are a lot of bad things.”

 

“Is there anything good to start with?” Steve asked desperately, sitting in a chair next to Tony’s bed. He had a light hold on Tony’s hand almost immediately, entangling his fingers with Tony’s. 

 

“He survived, which is an incredible miracle. Also, he made it out with few injuries, though some of the ones he has are extremely severe,” the doctor stated mildly. He looks sad, and sad is never good in these situations. 

 

“Start minor,” Tony requests politely.

 

The doctor nodded sadly before speaking. “Well, you have one broken rib, and a bit of bruising on two others. Your face is a bit bruised, as you can see, but a lot of other things are too. You have a minor concussion, but it hasn’t affected your memory at all.” The doctor continued to talk about little things, nothing Tony hasn’t dealt with before.

 

“Okay, and what about my major injuries?” Tony asked. “You haven’t said anything about my arm yet.” 

 

The doctor looked like he honestly wanted to bolt. “I’m getting to that,” he said. “You have two major injuries, that may continue to affect your life forever.”

 

“I really don’t like the sound of that,” Tony said. His face was blank, but Steve could see the fear, even hear it in his mostly steady voice. 

 

“What are they?” Steve asked, squeezing Tony’s available hand. He felt so much fear, but he was also so so glad that Tony was even alive to have these injuries. He could have died, and if the price to pay for his life is some life changes, then Steve would adjust. He would force the stubborn billionaire to adjust, for him. 

 

“They’re located on your heart and your arm,” the doctor said sadly.

 

“Wait, my arm? I’m sorry, but no. No, my arm can not be permanently altered in any way. It can’t happen. I won’t accept it. No. No.” Tony had wide eyes, and looked like he was fighting off a bit of panic. “I’m an engineer, I need both of my arms. Hell, I’m  _ Iron Man.  _ I can’t power the suits with one arm, Steve.” Tony turned to his boyfriend. “What am I going to do?”

 

“You’re going to let the doctor tell you what’s wrong, and then we will discuss how to fix it,” Steve reasoned, giving Tony’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Tony just nodded before sinking into his pillows and looking at the doctor with tired eyes. 

 

“Go on,” Tony said.

 

**(Note: I am not a medical professional, and I don’t know if any of the following makes sense. If you read it, and find a way where it could be medically realistic, please email me at** [ **beesaregreat666@gmail.com** ](mailto:beesaregreat666@gmail.com) **or comment down below!)**

 

“Have you ever heard of the injury sustained by Doctor Stephen Strange?” the doctor asks.

 

Tony looks absolutely horrified. But Steve has never heard of it. “Explain, please,” he asked.

 

The doctor looked at them grimly. “Extreme nerve damage in his hands. For the doctor, it was in both. Your boyfriend has one hand though, that will suffer from extreme tremors so he will not be able to do most things that require fine motor skills with his left hand at all. It will hurt if he works with it too much.”

 

“I’m an engineer,” Tony repeated. He seemed to be running on autopilot from only the one piece of news. Steve knew there was another big thing coming up, and he only hoped his boyfriend could handle it. 

 

“What else is there, doc?” Steve asked, fearing the answer. He didn’t even know what the worse case scenario could be at this point. Tony looked at the doctor hopefully, internally praying that whatever he said would be better than the first thing. 

 

“This one may be really painful to hear, so if you’d rather have time to adjust first, I’d be more than happy to-”

 

“Just get it over with,” Tony muttered dejectedly.

 

With a deep breath, the doctor began to speak. “As you know, you’re chest took a lot of damage-” He paused while Tony snorted- “and a lot of that can’t be easily fixed. As you both obviously know, Mister Stark had a surgery to have the arc reactor removed about a year ago. During the operation, the surgeons on hand had put in artificial bone and tissue to take up the gaping hole in your chest, even going as far as to implant a metal piece to fill it in.” Steve and Tony were both nodding, when the doctor turned to Tony and addressed him specifically. “The impact of it all, plus the numerous pieces of glass, including the exceptionally large one, moved or even knocked loose some of the artificial parts of your body. Now usually, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but some of the pieces hit your heart, which I assume you didn’t feel at the time due to shock. Because if you did, it would have hurt  _ a lot.  _ Blackout levels of pain. It got to the point where it was so bad, that on top of the previous not-so-great quality of your heart health gave you some major problems. Usually, we would implant a pacemaker, but for you the problem is made worse by your previous problems, and the fact that a lot of your internal chest is missing. So instead, we figure that with a few adjustments to the functions-”

 

“You want me to modify the reactor to work as a super pacemaker and put it back in my chest.” Tony said blandly, nothing showing on his face. 

 

“Yes. It really would be the best solution. Your body has already adjusted to it, and-”

 

“How’s he alive right now?” Steve asked. 

 

“We have a pacemaker in there right now, but it’s not a permanent solution. If his heart rate ever accelerates too high, the pacemaker will try to correct it. But because of how weak it is based on present and past events, it would only make things worse. We need something that can constantly protect and monitor and control his heart.”

 

“I’ll work on it.” Is all Tony says. His voice sounds flat and dead. “I’ll need help. After I finish the reactor, I’ll start therapy for my hand.” 

 

The doctor just nodded and left. Tony asked for a tablet, and Steve didn’t want to deny him. “Tell the others to come soon, please?” was the last thing Tony asked. “I think I really need them all right now.”

 

“Of course,” Steve said. He left quickly, shutting the door softly behind him. 

  
  
  


It took a month before Tony was allowed to leave his hospital bed. He had to finish the plans for the new reactor first, and then have it built. They hospital didn’t want him moving around to much, for fear he would die. So he ended up changing the core functions of the arc reactor while still making it so it can completely run off on it’s own power. And then he had to actually go through with the modifications with only one working. He refused to let anyone else help him, especially when he heard about Happy. Everyone was completely locked out of his room. He somehow managed to barricade the door. Nobody had any idea how to get through. Clint tried getting through the vents, but Tony had held up his screwdriver and threatened to throw it at him. Clint decided leaving would be better than upsetting his injured friend. 

 

When the reactor was finished, he allowed only Pepper into the room to help him put it in. She tried to insist on more people, but he said that last time he only needed one person. “Last time you were in a cave in Afghanistan,” she said, crying angrily. She did that, when she was angry. Crying. Tony did not appreciate the reference to his time as a captive, even after all these years. “Yes, and it was doable then, it’s doable now.” They argued a bit more, until she finally just gave in and helped. It took a while, and Pepper really hated watching Tony hook a bunch of wires up to his heart again, but he did it quickly and efficiently without much talking. He was allowed to leave the next day.

 

About a week later, he started physical therapy. 

 

**Real Time**

  
  


“Tony, come on. You need to get up, or you’ll be late.” Steve stood outside of Tony’s workshop door, waiting for his boyfriend to come out. He was worried about him. Tony hadn’t left his workshop since they got home. It’s been a week, and it was now his first time having to go to physical therapy. He wasn’t sure how Tony would react. 

 

“I’m here,” Tony ran out. His hair was sticking up, and his face and clothes was covered in grease. He had on a pair of glasses, which had a slight glow to the lense. There were dark circles under his eyes.

 

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” is all Steve said, deciding not to comment on the rest of his boyfriend’s appearance. 

 

“What?” Tony seemed confused for just a moment, before realization dawned on him. “Oh, these glasses!” He smiled brightly, the first smile Steve’s seen in weeks. It was that brilliant smile Tony always wore when he was explaining a new invention, or even a toaster. He looked so excited. “I don’t need seeing eye glasses, but these are great, because they have like, a screen inside the lens. That way, I can work and look at files and stuff at once. And depending on how I focus my eyes, I can either look at them almost solidly, or look right through them like nothing. It’s so so cool.” Steve noticed how the whole time Tony was speaking, only his good hand was moving around animatedly like usual. His other hand was shoved deep into the pockets of his sweats.

 

“Can I see your hand?” Steve asked quietly. He reached his own hand out. Tony slowly, with a frown on his face, laid his on top. It was shaking violently, it was such a contrast to Steve’s steady palm under his. 

 

Tony suddenly jerked his hand away, shaking fingers struggling to close into the fist he wanted as he shoved away the hand back into his pocket. “Let’s just go,” he grumbled, stalking out the door. “Let’s walk, we actually live pretty close.” Steve thought it was strange that Tony would walk the entire mile rather than take one of his many cars, but he decided not to comment on that either.  _ It’s probably just too soon,  _ he thinks.

 

It takes a while to walk, and Tony doesn’t talk much during the walk, despite Steve’s many attempts at conversation. They finally, get to the building, and they sit in the waiting room. “Mister Stark,” a nice lady says. Tony and Steve both stand, but Tony puts a hand on his chest, silently asking him to stay put. Steve sits down, and Tony walks through the door alone. 

 

When he leaves the room, he look infinitely more tired than before. “Let’s go home,” Tony says quietly. The walk back to the tower seems even more depressing than ever, especially after Tony says “there’s no chance I’ll ever get my hand back to the way it was before.”

 

For weeks, it’s the same thing, but Tony seems to get more and more withdrawn with every visit to Physical Therapy. Every time, he spends hours and hours in his workshop, and he won’t let anyone in or tell anyone what he’s working on. He loses weight from skipping meals. 

 

One day, Steve snaps. He knows he shouldn’t, knows Tony’s been going through a rough time, but a battle had gone bad that day, and even though Tony had sent a drone to the scene, it wasn’t the same as the real Tony. 

 

“You’re being crazy,” he yelled.

 

“Me? I’m being crazy? Excuse me mister perfect, but I don’t even know if I  _ can  _ pilot the suit yet,” Tony screamed. 

 

“Then what have you been working on in the workshop all this time?”

 

“It’s none of your business!”

 

“Why can’t you talk to me, Tony? Why have you been hiding, and keeping secrets, and just generally being different?” Steve sat down, putting his head in his hands. “You’re different, Tony. Why?”

 

“I’m sorry I’m different, Steve,” Tony said softly, but still angrily. “I’m sorry that my world fell apart, and I can’t be the  _ same  _ after that.”

 

“What do you mean your world fell apart? Because you got the reactor back, because your hand doesn’t work?” Steve looked up at Tony, but all he was met with was anger.

 

“Yes! This fucking thing in my chest does happen to change a lot, Steve! There’s a  _ night light  _ in my chest again, and once again, I can be killed if someone pulls it out. And I’m an engineer. I need two hands. I’ve been an engineer my entire life, it’s literally my world!”

 

“You’re still an engineer,” Steve said sadly, “you remade the reactor with one hand. And with the physical therapy, it could get better.”

 

“But it’ll never be enough. Everyone’s right, I’m selfish. I’m selfish enough to want to do what makes me happy effectively, to want two steady hands to actually do it effectively.”

 

“Tony, no. You’re right, I was being insensitive. You can’t pilot the suit, and I don’t have to know everything. But please, talk to me.”

 

Tony goes limp, and falls into a chair. “I’m sorry, you’re right. But I won’t tell you what I’ve been working on. Because if it fails, I don’t know if I could handle anyone else having to bear the weight of the disappointment.”

 

Steve nodded. “Okay. Okay. Let’s just go to bed, okay? You look tired.” 

 

Tony allowed the supersoldier to drag him into bed, and Tony sighed, “I’ll try to work on getting the suit to work for me,” Tony whispered right before he fell asleep.

 

And that’s how he became Iron Man again. 

 

Of course, it wasn’t a one day project. The mechanisms in the suit are very very sensitive to movement, so every time one of the jitters was too much, or not enough, Tony’s repulsors would be all over the place. Plus, it put a lot of strain on his hand to stay in the stuffy metal arm. But after weeks of work and engineering, and *gasp* more physical therapy, he got it working again. And he was so happy, it was unbelievable. Flying was so free, it was like being detached from the rest of the world. And the suit was so different from a plane.

 

But still, he would not get into a car. Everyone tried. Pepper did her “I’m your CEO, and I need you there on time,” speech, but Tony just took the suit. Clint tried to trick him, and Natasha tried seducing him (“I have a boyfriend, you’re just making a fool of yourself.”) Steve tried begging, which usually worked. Rhodey tried promising a fun night on the town, to which Tony replied that they were in walking distance to any of their usual fun places, and they really shouldn’t be driving if they planned on drinking. (Tony also didn’t drink anymore, saying that “life is short” and crying because he finished an entire bottle of vodka.) Even Bruce tried, saying that he had a fun science convention to go to, only twenty miles away, they could get there in a half hour, but Tony, again, took the suit. 

 

It wasn’t a  _ major  _ interruption on their lives, but it also was worrying. It had been about two months since the crash, and Tony still wouldn’t get in a car. Steve was worried it was worse than he thought.

 

And it turns out he was right. 

 

The first time Tony was in a car again was when SHIELD had an agent drive him to a facility to get medical treatment after a battle. They couldn’t get an ambulance or anything into the scene at the moment, so an agent in a regular old street car drove him unconscious to the hospital. At least, they thought he was unconscious. As soon as the car started moving, Tony freaked. Or, he tried to. He was pretty out of it. But he moaned, and shook, and whimpered. It was an odd sight for a regular agent who had Tony Stark on a pedestal to see. 

 

And once he fully became aware, later, everyone in within three doors of Mister Stark could hear him. 

 

“What the fuck! Why- what the hell made you think I could go into that-” he sobbed- “Why would you make me- Fuck yoU!” Steve tried to comfort him, but was forcefully shoved off. “Fuck all of you.” He had a major panic attack, and he wasn’t even in the vehicle anymore. 

 

After that he needed counseling, of course. He was reluctant to go at first, but he did in the end when Steve cried. “Please,” he sobbed. “I just want you back.”

 

So Tony went. And, slowly, he got better. He smiled more and spent more time with the others. One day, he took a car to physical therapy.

 

And finally, months and months later, Tony revealed what he had been working on. 

 

“It's to help me out in the workshop when I need an extra hand,” Tony said. He was in the communal living room, having called everyone else in to see his creation.He was standing next to a bot a lot like DumE. It was a claw, but it had many thinner fingers attached. They could perform more delicate operations. “It has a higher thinking capacity, and the same ability to learn. I also gave him a nearly clean slate memory on anything random. He knows about math, science, banana bread, reading and writing, but not about who you or I am. He’ll form opinions and things about on his own. Except he already loves me, because I’ve been working with him for months. I'm like his dad. All of the security protocols are pre-installed. JARVIS can take control if there’s ever a situation where he’s compromised.”

 

“Does he have internet access?” Rhodey asked, only half-jokingly.

 

“Of course he does. What do you think this is, the Dark Ages?” Tony laughed, and finally sat down. “Anyway, I brought him up so you could all meet him and get to know him.”

 

“Of course,” Natasha smiled at the bot like she was determined to become its new best friend. “What’s his name?”

 

Tony smiled sadly up at the claw and stood back up. He muttered something that must’ve registered with the bot, because the claw rotated, revealing his name. Tony brushed his fingers lightly over the bold black letters that read HAPPY. “I couldn’t think of an acronym,” he said, “but I had to use this name. It was the only one that seemed right.” 

 

Nobody said a word for a bit, until Natasha finally sprung from her seat and planted herself before the new robot. “Hello Happy,” she said, “I’m Natasha. I’m a super badass spy who helped save your daddy’s life more than once.” The robot chirped and used it’s claw and shook Natasha’s hand. Soon, everyone was fighting over who got to introduce themselves next. 

 

Steve walked over to Tony and sat down with him. “I love it.”

 

“Me too,” Tony said.

 

“I know you miss him a lot,” Steve said, winding an arm around Tony’s shoulders. “But I’m proud of you. You’ve seemed happier lately.”

 

“I have been happier lately. I-” his voice cut off hastily. 

 

“What?” 

 

Tony leaned into Steve’s arm. “I want to go visit his grave tomorrow.”

 

“We can if you think you’re ready.”

 

“I’m ready. I just want to talk to him. It seems so unfair that all I lost was a steady arm, and he lost his life,” Tony said.

 

“I know you may think so,” Steve said. “But that’s not how the world works. We’ll go tomorrow, and then you’ll take the rest of the day to rest.”

 

Tony nodded.

 

* * *

 

And maybe life wasn’t perfect after that, and maybe it wasn’t the same, but Tony was happy. Steve, Rhodey, Pepper, and all the Avengers were happy. The accident changed things, and it was rough at times, but it got better. Things will always get better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAANNNDDD anyway, I don't exactly love the ending (except for the robot part awww) but it's okay because it's not like more than a thousand people will read it right?
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> So there it is. I wanted to get this little short bit of love out into the internet now because all I'll be releasing for a bit is short on and two shots, because I'm currently working on a long fic I think everyone will really enjoy.
> 
> I hope you loved this, and I appreciate any comments, kudos, and bookmarks you wanna give me.
> 
> (Note: I'm not a doctor, I know most of my medical stuff is probably wrong. That's honestly not the main part of this that I want to be the focus. The focus is the love and care that Tony feels for these people around him every day.)


End file.
